BUGJUICE OVER AND OUT

Ok we all know i have this marriage thing... or maybe i should say lack of marriage thing going on,... which is of course killing me....

Lets compound it a bit and add a death

I had to go to a funeral today... My fathers.

I didn't know him.... he didn't have nothing to do with us for years and years... just recently a few contacts with cards for christmas and sending pictures of grand kids and greatgrand kid he never seen... any of them...

i felt i had to go for my aunt Joy.... I have a half sister and brother i met for the first time today... that is sad in itself... to have a sister and not get to no her thru her life.. or his the brother....i should try to make an effort.  get to know them i guess.... maybe make up for the regrets of past things... maybe get to know my dad thru them... i dont know... just know i am so emotional drained, at this point sleep is what i crave.  or beer... lol...

mom was i hospital a few weeks ago.... but she is out but she is wearing me out with her mental problems... scared and doesn't want to be by her self.... i think its from being in the hospital.... thinks shes dying....

Was thinking about the saying.... a house is just a house but a home is where the love is. or how ever it goes..... i am at that point here.... just a house i hate anymore....

this house used to be fill with such love especially in the holiday season.... my grandma loved christmas and was the chairperson of love.... I miss her and grandpa sooooo much.  Right now the house is full of to many hurtful memories.   Big girls dont cry and tears are for sissys, someone once told me... tears a sign of weakness.....

ive cried enough i guess i am the poster child for weak and sissy..

well enough depression for one day...

angela

over and out

Since all of us are back..... I think... i thought it wa only right that i write a blog since i havent in a while... i wrote one on myspace.... but that a few days or so.... my life is not great hasn't been .. u know of the marriage troubles i have.... well they got better for a while but still my ass is still one and he is going thru something.... mid life or just a turd either way it makes for a rough go most of the time.... but i have been surviving...mom and kids keep me busy and then i have been finding time for me which helps.... glad to se miss mickey back to her old blog ways..... U seem even more witty... hiatus did u good....Mel and I have been over at the myspace kicking it ,..... u would be surprised what fun stuff there is to do on there.... play and name little pets.... go play poker..... chat with people.... Tanya just went over there also..... But they have nothing on the blogging stuff... i think multiply is the best place for blogging and creating ur own self....updates...........

Carly quit cheering today?  why i dont know .... but she getting bored and antsy about college graduation.... she is taking a college class right now in mornings and with no cheering last hour of school she can job out since she has all her credits and work more hours when she get a new job.....

Shawn ross is in his last yr of elementary... scary.. to think he will be going to middle school next year with all the bullies.... hes so kind nd gentle....

dogs are good..... cat fine.... Cars all running ... knock on wood...Havent seen Granbaby since June... I think one of last video blogs i did was with her... if u can find it go see my baby....

get to see her thanksgiving though....................

well thats about it,....

Angela

over and out

Things are ok here,........... sorry haven't been on in a while.... been really busy.....

we are working things out.... I am going to counseling..... we both realize we need to work on things....

The kids were in a Car wreck  June 28th..... went to the emergency room....

Carly was driving her car and  taking shawn ross fishing.... someone pulled right out and front of them..... totalled her car..... they had to go to the ER.... by ambulance... but nothing serous a few bruises and contusion and shawn ross lost a tooth,....  they were wearing seat belts or it would have been worse,..

Scared me.... scared Dad..... she called me..... then I called him.....

She is at Cheer camp right now.....

shawn ross is home watch tv

I got my tongue pierced..... why.... i don't know.... call it a wild whim.,... I think I was one that bloged about how I didn't like them or something.....

might have been the tequila

Hi guys

doing ok....

told husband he had to leave early yesterday morning ...

he has been cheating....

cant deal with him here doing that.. and lying to me.

fell apart pretty much yesterday , but am ok today..

son had a game... we are in city wide championships....

we won!!!!    20 to 8.... Yea!!! Yankees

well that all

Angela

over and out

My tears fall like rain

Falling in that spot that once was my heart

A spot that is now a cesspool made of tears and heartache

It rains down so hard that it stops my breath

Do I want to breath again, not really but I want to stop the rain

Because it doesn't drown the pain

Tell me how to stop the rain

Angela

Sorry guys I haven't been on in a while.

I am ging thru a bit of things here.

marriage troubles.

Husband is unhappy, doesn't love me and is on the verge of cheating.

So we are going to start some marriage counciling...

feeling really hurt and unloved... and very depressed...

Guess since you guys are in a since my only friends.... (since I devote my life to my family so much)  I have no one else to talk to..

I cried to god to just take me... but of course he apprently doesn't care about me anymore... dont know that I am that impressed with him either at tthis point.

Seems I cant make people love me.... no matter how much i love them.   I have done alot for men that I loved.... put myself thru alot and for what... them to turn around and cheat or leave or fall out of love with me....

I just dont get it ....

So I guess what ever happens happens... in the mean time I sit on pins and needles....

to scared to fart....scared my life is falling apart... afraid to breath at times...

Well i guess I will close... not much more to talk about , least I make myself cry.... doesn't seem that I would have enough left... but they still seem to flow.....There must me a line from my heart to my eyes......the more it breaks.. the more I cry...

Angela

over

Nothing really.... just been tired alot............ cant sleep  no improvement there... doc wont give me nothing for it..... do have a sleep apnia test this sunday......

have a cardiologist app... next month............

truthfully I havent been feeling good..... sometimes i have these pains and they dont go away... i don't let on to anyone but I have been short of breath alot and cant seem to get across the room

I think it might be my pottasiam... i have been sweating all the time... and I alos have been taking my pee pill more regular... so maybe that its it.. too low on potassiam...

sleep all day... if I don't i have to have a nap at 4....

I am 44 I am not supose to feel like an old person....

Turned my air on this weekend could not take it anymore..... husband wants to die in the heat.... be my guest... but go outside... I am turning on the AC...

Had a fairly boring Memorial Day.... Husband home all three days....   So we painted sons room.... did some spring cleaning got in a fight about the trim and ate bar b q..... hot dogs... and buffalo burgers.

I put some flowers on my grandparents grave last week... So didn't go to the Cemetary with the crowds....

Well thats all for now.... not much else going on......

SHAWN ROSS

ITS YOUR DAY!!!!!

LOVE MOM

The signs of love...out of the mouths of babes

I got these from a magazine I found in the cupboard... its about four years old... but the quotes are still true today....

Love is...

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” ----Billy, age 4

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.” ---Chrissy age 6

“ Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.” ---Noelle, age 7

“Love is what makes you smile when you are tired.” ---Terri, age 4

“You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” --- Jessica, age 8

“ Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford”. --- Chris, age 8

“If you want to learn how to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate.” ---Nikka, age 6

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.” Rebbeca age 8

Angela

over and out

This child of mine here.... the one that is so sweet and wonderful....

Got suspended from school monday and cant go back until Fri.   For fighting....

A boy called him some names and he got out of his chair and went over and choked him... or he said pinched him really hard on the back of the neck and made him cry.....

the teacher said choke so the principle said choke and so it goes on the report...

What do you do....he has had extra chores... no tv.... and no bike...... name calling is mean but he has to control anger...... now if the boy had hit him...... boy let lose and bloody his nose....

O the boy called him stupid and a wussy...... well I guess hes not a wussy now

I think its the Yankee uniform.... I think it turned him evil

Angela

over and out

Way tired....

It is about a 4hour trip if you don't stop.,., Speed limit is 75... to 70 depending on area.... it took us 5 and a half to get there really six once I dropped off daughter to her dads....took me 5 to get back.... I drove 75 to 78 the whole way but the Arksasas hwy patrol were thick.....once i got back in to ok I didn't see but one.....

Went to my ex's parents 50th anniversary party it was nice then went and got ready for the grandbaby's party.    

Son grilled hamburgers..... seen all my nephews... even though I am not married to there Uncle they still call me aunt angie.....

They don't like my ex's wife.,., ha... but my god she is not any older than they are.... she's not there aunt....

I was around when the little buggers were born... well two of them anyway,

Grandbaby is cute as ever.... this is the only pic I had on phone the rest I will try to download tonight from my camera.....

Will see if anyone blogged anything that I missed..

angela

over and out 

Its her birthday.....  So Meeme  is driving down to see her and bring her lots of presents and spoil haer as only I will be back sunday.....

Angela

over and out